


Seabreeze

by exploring_in_space



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, It's vague but I feel it's necessary to tag just in case, M/M, Slight Suicide Ideation, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Vague allusions to reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21725896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exploring_in_space/pseuds/exploring_in_space
Summary: In an alternate world where Aaron and Robert never meet. Aaron leaves Emmerdale to find the missing piece in his life. He never thought he would find someone who knows him so innately, as if they’ve known each other from a previous life.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 14
Kudos: 72





	Seabreeze

**Author's Note:**

> I am so behind reading all the amazing Big Bang fics and I need to get started on my secret santa fic, but I thought it would be a good idea to write this fic instead, whoops. I hope you enjoy it!

Aaron grew up in the dirt of Emmerdale. He wasn’t a farmer, but the sturdy ground is familiar to everyone who lives here. He loved this village, but after almost a decade of living there, all he’s ever had is heartbreak and loneliness. His family is here, which is one of the only threads that held Aaron there. But there’s something truly awful about being surrounded by people and still feeling lonely and isolated. It was time for him to leave the village and find something that would make him feel _complete_. Chas had been beside herself, trying to convince Aaron that he had a reason to stay: his baby sister Eve. It wasn’t enough to make Aaron reconsider his choice.

With teary good-byes, the Dingles wish him luck as he made the decision to leave the village he’s known all his life. He packed all the possessions that mattered into his car, and drove off without a destination in mind.

Rolling dales and country roads are his only companion as Aaron avoids big cities, and drives until he feels something akin to completeness. He eventually ends up in Scotland, in a small town off the coast. Having been landlocked his entire life, there is something attractive about the salty seabreeze of this coastal village. Small, like Emmerdale, but that’s where the similarities end.

Surrounded by water, there’s a large cliff that juts out, as if emerging from the sea. The cliff stands proud north of the village, with sharp rocks at the bottom. The village dies into the sea, demarcated by a stoney beach. It’s quaint in a way Emmerdale could never be. It’s a good place to live the remainder of his days, however little or many that are left. There’s something enticing about the cliffs, as if there are sirens calling Aaron to it. 

The sky is overcast and gray, and the humidity is thick in the air when Aaron gets out of his car - he can feel his curls breaking free from his hair product. There’s a woman standing outside the bed and breakfast Aaron parks in front of, a curious look on her face. Aaron ignores her in favor of going into the stone building.

“We don’t get much visitors here. Most go a little further north to Stonehaven.” The lady at the front desk has a thick Scottish accent, it makes him think of Moira. She squints at Aaron curiously, “You stayin’ long?”

“Until I can find meself a house here.” Aaron says, but he thinks to the cliffs and the siren’s song at the bottom of the rocks. He wonders if he’ll find a house before he heeds their call.

“Well then,” The woman hands Aaron the keys to his room with a friendly smile, “Welcome home.”

*

Aaron gives Chas a call when he gets settled. It’s been about a month since he found this village, and he has steadfastly ignored the cliffs as much as he can. Chas bursts into tears when she hears his voice and asks a million questions. Yes, he’s alright. Yes, the view is beautiful. No, he doesn't think he’ll be going down to Emmerdale any time soon. Yes, he loves and misses everyone.

They hang up and Aaron feels lighter than he has in days. He briefly wonders, though, if that will be the last time he’ll speak to Chas.

The siren’s call have been tempting Aaron since he’s parked himself in the village. His view from the B&B looks directly at the seaside cliffs. When he can’t bear it some days, Aaron looks out the window to stare at the cliffs, and the ruination they promise. All his life, it feels as if a piece of his soul is missing. As if he were born incomplete. The hole in his chest felt more pronounced when he was living in Emmerdale. Something inside him eases when he arrived at this village, but not enough to stave off the festering thoughts of ending it all.

The siren’s call of death sings enticingly in moments of quietness. He lasts a week after his chat with Chas, until he can’t ignore their call. He finds himself standing at the edge of the cliffs one evening, looking at the waves below him. The seafoam gurgling as the waves relentlessly throws itself against the rocks. Aaron doesn’t want to die. But the feeling of being incomplete consumes him. He wonders if everyone feels like this, and they’re all better at concealing and burying their despair than Aaron. 

He’s twenty-seven, and he’s tired of life.

Aaron continues to stare at the cliffs’ bottom, when something in the corner of his eye catches his attention. There’s a man, at least Aaron thinks it’s a man, on the beach adjacent to the bottom of the cliffs. He’s just standing on the sand and stones, looking up at Aaron. The distance makes it difficult to discern whether he’s looking directly at Aaron, but something in Aaron thinks he is. The roar of the waves seem to mute as this ethereal moment passes between two strangers. Aaron wonders who will break away first.

‘ _Don’t jump._ ’ Aaron hears, and he starts. It sounds as if someone is standing next to him. He turns to see who is up here with him, but there’s not a soul around. Unsettled, Aaron looks back down to the beach, but the man is gone, too. The siren’s call has faded as well, and Aaron realizes what he was about to do.

Feeling something beyond words could describe, Aaron drops to his knees and begins to weep.

*

Ever since the night on the cliffs, Aaron has tried looking for the man on the beach. He’s not entirely sure how to find him, Aaron couldn’t describe him if he tried. But he knew, he _knew_ , if he saw him again, he would recognize him. The village’s population is tiny, probably smaller than Emmerdale, yet Aaron has not found the man who most likely saved Aaron’s life.

He cried for a long time at the cliffs that night. It was cathartic, and Aaron hasn’t heard the siren’s calls since. He believes it comes down to that man on the beach, and he wants to thank him.

Aaron finds a little cottage a ways from the sea. It’s probably the safest choice - he doesn’t want to be called back to the cliffs. The cottage is tiny: the appliances in the kitchen are squeezed together, and everything in the cottage seems to be sitting on top of each other. But to Aaron, it’s perfect. It’s home.

He calls Chas again with his address, and he’s pleasantly surprised to find gifts sent to the cottage from family. Marlon sends kitchen tools, Chas sends her finest beer on tap, Cain sends tools for his car, Zak and Lisa send food. It touches Aaron. He’ll always be a Dingle, even after leaving Emmerdale. It makes him miss them, but he’s happy in this village. 

Freshly caught fish and imported fruits and vegetables line the main street storefronts. Aaron peruses the street, filling his basket with necessities for his cottage. He’s debating between blood oranges and grapefruits, when a shadow overcomes him. He looks up, and looks into seafoam eyes. Like the seafoam at the bottom of the rocks. It’s the man from the beach, Aaron would bet his life on it.

“I know you.” Aaron dumbly says. And he’s not just talking about seeing him at the beach. Aaron _knows_ this man. He doesn’t know how, or why, but he knows him.

“I would go with the blood orange.” The man says, a small secret smile on his face. He has an accent reminiscent of a Yorkshire accent, and it solidifies Aaron’s belief that he knows this man. Aaron stares at the man for a while, not entirely understanding what the man is talking about, until he remembers he had been looking at the two fruits.

“With me red onions?” Aaron asks back. His basket is filled with food, but the only perishable item in his basket are red onions.

“Sometimes the most unlikely foods are great together.” The man replies, and something about the way he says it makes Aaron think he’s not just talking about the food. He gives the blood orange Aaron’s holding a tap, and walks away without another word. Aaron wants to chase after him and continue talking to him. But something holds him in place, and he watches the man retreat into the sea of shoppers.

He ends up buying a few blood oranges and takes them to his cottage. He makes himself a blood orange and red onion salad, and he’s pleasantly surprised to find it delicious. The man was right - this unlikely combo is amazing. Aaron wonders how he knew it would go well together. But more than that, Aaron wonders how he knew that man to his very essence.

*

Aaron can’t stop thinking about the man. Freckled skin that somehow seems to be sunkissed despite the perpetual overcast skies, blonde hair, seafoam eyes. He has memories of a life that doesn’t belong to him: brushing his fingers through the blonde hair, pressing kisses to that freckled skin, making those eyes crinkle in laughter. 

He’s heard the sirens a few times since meeting the man again, but they’re subdued and quiet. Easily ignored in favor of thinking of that man.

He ventures to the local pub one evening, tired of being cooped up in his cottage. It’s not that he has been excluded from the village, but he hasn’t exactly felt overtly welcomed either. He thinks a visit to his local might help to change that.

“It’s not that we don’t like outsiders. It’s just we get so few of them, it makes us weary.” A woman tells Aaron like she’s sharing a conspiracy. Aaron gets it - that’s how it was in Emmerdale too. 

But still, he stays at the pub and drinks a few pints. The beer is tolerable, though it makes him yearn for some of the beer on tap at the Woolpack. He had finished Chas’s gift quite quickly after she had sent them. 

A few of the locals come to talk to Aaron, asking him about where he’s from and what he plans to do here. Aaron doesn’t know how to answer the latter question. He had come to this village to die, now that the urge has abated, he’s not sure what he’s going to do yet. He tells them he used to be a scrapper and a mechanic. That maybe he can put those skills to use here. A few people nod and give suggestions on local garages he could apply his skills to, while others suggest he should think about scrapping old fishing boats. Aaron considers both ideas with a sense of gratefulness. He’s not sure if that’s really what he wants, but it’s better than anything he’s thought of yet.

The night is winding down, when _he_ steps into the pub. His eyes scan the whole place, until those seafoam eyes land on Aaron, who is sat alone after a few of the locals leave him on his own. He holds his breath when the man comes toward Aaron. “Evening.” His voice rumbles softly, and it pierces Aaron. Another fragment of a different life sits between them with that voice.

“The blood orange was a good choice.” Aaron replies helplessly. The man’s lips spread across his face in a grin.

“I knew it would be.” He says back.

“I made a blood orange and red onion salad.” Aaron continues. He needs to let the man know how grateful he is for saving his life, but it seems too heavy. So instead, he’ll settle for thanking the man for his fruit choice.

“That’s quite a meal. You don’t peg me as a chef.” The man teases softly. Aaron could get used to this easy banter and soft teasing. 

“I’m not. It just felt right.” Aaron says softly. The man smiles again, but says nothing in response. A comfortable silence falls between them. Until the barmaid is coming over to their table with a pint for the man. 

“The usual.” She says with a flirty smile to the man. The man smiles back and thanks the woman. The interaction tells Aaron that the man is a regular here. It’s strange, considering Aaron has been living here for almost two months now, and this is only the third time he’s seen him.

“What’s your name?” Aaron asks as the man takes a drink from his beer. The man lifts an eyebrow, and almost looks disappointed by Aaron’s question. Aaron wishes he didn’t have to ask, that he knew it because the name is tattooed on his brain.

“Robert. Robert Sugden.” He says clearly, and waits to see if Aaron will react to it. The name sounds familiar, just like everything about this man. His name warms Aaron’s body and he commits to memory. He never wants to forget the name Robert Sugden.

“Aaron Dingle.” Aaron offers, even though Robert doesn’t ask for his name in return. Robert nods and gives Aaron a knowing smile. 

“Nice to meet you, Aaron.” Robert replies. There’s something wistful in the way he speaks, and Aaron knows he’s missing some part of a puzzle. 

“Listen. I don’t know if you remember, but a coupla nights ago-”

“Have you gone swimming in the sea, yet?” Robert interrupts Aaron. The question throws him off. He wanted to thank Robert for saving his life, but apparently Robert doesn’t want to hear it. 

“No.” Aaron answers somewhat petulantly. 

Robert leans into Aaron’s space, yet another secret smile on his face. “I like to go swimming in the mornings. Before the fishing boats go out onto the sea. It’s a great way to clear me mind.”

“Oh-kay?”

“Come with me. I think you’ll enjoy it.” Robert’s eyes twinkle is the low lighting of the pub. They might be the most beautiful thing Aaron has ever seen. Aaron hasn’t gone swimming in years, yet he’s agreeing before he can second guess his decision. Robert smiles again. Aaron wants to do everything he can to see that smile again and again.

Something has settled in Aaron’s chest. Slotting into place as he realizes for the first time in his life, he feels almost _complete_. He gazes wondrously at Robert for the rest of the evening, wondering how one person could make him feel more right than therapists and family. 

*

Aaron wakes at the crack of dawn, a minor headache from the beer he drank the night before. He has not woken up this early in months, since he used to go running before work at the scrapyard. It’s the first time he’s woken up this early since arriving at this village. 

He wakes a little earlier than Robert suggested because he decides to walk down to the beach instead of driving down there. He’s not used his car very often since settling in his cottage, preferring to walk and breathe the seabreeze the village affords him. It has a calming effect, an antidote to the poisonous thoughts that buzz in his head.

Robert is already waiting for him, wearing trunks and a swimming shirt. The North Sea is too cold for them to forgo shirts, and part of Aaron mourns the fact he won’t be able to see Robert’s naked torso. Still, seeing Robert this early in the morning brightens Aaron's mood.

“Ready?” Robert asks when Aaron reaches him. Aaron shrugs, but drops the bag with his towel and change of clothes on the ground. Robert has this playful glint on his face and before Aaron can comment on it, he pushes Aaron a little and makes a run to the water. Aaron laughs and runs after him, trying to beat him into the water.

The coldness of the water is slightly disarming, making Aaron freeze slightly at it. It gives Robert an unfair advantage, he’s done this before and most likely used to the chilly temperature of the water. He wades into the water, and then gracefully butterfly strokes away. Aaron watches those strong arms stroke against the water, and he feels something curl in the pit of his stomach. Robert looks beautiful against the darkness of the sea. 

Aaron snaps out of his trance and follows him further into the water, clumsily doggy paddling behind Robert. He probably looks a fool compared to Robert, but he was right: there is something that clears the worry from Aaron’s mind. He allows himself to turn on his back and float against the water.

The water is calm despite Aaron knowing how wild the waves are just a few stones way against the cliffs’ rocks. Those waves almost consumed him, and now he’s in the water, allowing himself to be cradled by the water. Since meeting Robert in the market, the siren’s call has slowly dissipated into silence. Today, it feels as if Aaron is conquering that call, that he won’t hear their calls again. He wonders if Robert knew that would happen. 

They swim for a lot longer than Aaron thought they would. He can feel his stomach sticking to his back, hunger pains making him retreat to land. Robert follows lazily, doing half strokes to the beach. Aaron is already towelling off, trying to keep warm, when Robert emerges from the sea. Water dripping from his body causes Aaron to stare unabashedly. Robert has that knowing smile on his face again, pleased to be the center of Aaron’s attention.

Robert had packed some breakfast provisions in his own bag and he shares them with Aaron. They sit in silence as they watch the fishing boats embark into the sea. Fishing is something Aaron doesn’t think he could ever have the patience or love for, but sitting here next to Robert, it makes the morning beautiful. The sun’s rays start to shimmer against the sea, and Aaron doesn’t once look over towards the cliff.

They spend the rest of the day together. Robert ropes Aaron into helping him take nets of fish into the village and gives it to the shopkeepers with grateful smiles. He convinces Aaron to go to his favorite coffeehouse and drink espresso and biscuits. Conversation flows easily between them, not a moment feels tense or uncomfortable. 

Aaron learns that Robert has lived in this village for many years, which doesn’t exactly explain Robert’s Yorkshire accent. His mother, Sarah, is one of the shopkeepers they deliver the fish to. His sister, Victoria, is a chef in Stonehaven, who occasionally comes down to see her family. He has a brother and father he doesn’t speak to, who also live in Stonehaven. Robert's story makes Aaron wonder why he hadn’t seen Robert more often when he first arrived here. But by the way Robert knows his way around this little village, Aaron can’t help but wonder if Robert was avoiding him.

They retire to the pub again, legs pressed against each other as they share anecdotes and secrets with one another. Robert listens, enraptured, when Aaron describes Emmerdale and the family he left behind. Pints keep getting served, and Aaron’s head gets lighter and lighter as the alcohol begins to course in his body. But he wants to stay right next to Robert as long as possible, even if he’ll regret it in the morning with a massive hangover.

“You’re pissed.” Robert laughs as he watches Aaron stumble up from the table. “Let me walk you home.”

Aaron holds onto Robert’s arm as they walk up the path to Aaron’s lonesome cottage. Uncharacteristically, the skies are clear, allowing the moonlight to illuminate the ground. Aaron mumbles a few directions to get Robert on the right track to his cottage. But part of Aaron thinks Robert doesn’t need the directions.

When they reach the front stoop of the cottage, Aaron holds onto Robert and buries his head into Robert’s chest. “Thank you.” Aaron says desperately.

“Of course. Didn’t want you passed out on some field for the farmer's to find ya.” Robert jokes, curling his fists around Aaron’s shirt.

“No. No.” Aaron mumbles nonsensically. “You saved me life, Robert. _Thank you_.”

Robert doesn’t say anything. He smooths his hands down Aaron’s back, as if straightening the crinkled fabric. “Oh, Aaron.” Robert softly says, his voice faraway. “What else was I supposed to do?”

The strength of his voice causes Aaron to pull away from Robert to look at him. He doesn’t understand it, but he sees love radiating out of Robert’s face. Aaron smiles and places his head against Robert’s chest, hearing his heartbeat. It’s beating at an unnatural pace. He wonders if it’s the alcohol that is causing it, or the fact that they are here standing in each other’s space. Aaron used to wonder how some people would liken other people as their home. But standing under the moonlight, gazing at the man who saved Aaron’s life, he finally gets it.

“I came to this village to die.” Aaron whispers the confession. 

Robert doesn’t look surprised by his admission. He cradles Aaron’s face and looks intently at him. “I know.”

Something about those two words make Aaron’s knees buckle. He crumples like a house of cards, and Robert holds him, whispering soothing words. Robert helps Aaron up the few steps up the cottage and unlocks the front door for Aaron. Aaron stares at Robert, and lunges forward to kiss him. Robert opens himself up immediately and kisses back, pouring his feelings into the kiss. It makes Aaron dizzy and drunk, the alcohol nothing compared to what he’s feeling right now.

Robert licks into Aaron’s mouth, and Aaron moans helplessly. He’s pulling Robert into his cottage, but Robert abruptly stops the kiss.

“No.” He says firmly. “Not tonight.”

“But-” Aaron is confused, it’s obvious Robert wants this just as much as Aaron does. He doesn’t understand why suddenly Robert is pushing Aaron away.

“Aaron, I want this. God, I want this. But I want you to _know_.” Robert whispers against Aaron’s lips.

There’s a brief moment of silence in which Aaron tries to process everything Robert is saying. But none of it makes sense, and he’s not sure what it is Robert is expecting of Aaron. “Know what?” Aaron finally asks, and Robert deflates against him. 

“When you know, you’ll know.” Robert says brokenly. “I made too many mistakes before, I’m not making them again.”

Aaron draws senseless lines against Robert’s face, whose eyes are pleading for Aaron to remember something. He doesn’t know what Robert wants, and it’s frustrating. It’s that puzzle Aaron doesn’t know how to piece together. How could Robert know so much more than Aaron? Why can’t Robert just tell him?

“Okay.” Aaron finally says softly, making a promise he’s not sure he’ll be able to keep. It seems to satisfy Robert, who leans down and gives Aaron a deep but short kiss. It leaves Aaron wanting more, but he allows Robert to leave whose shoulders hunched in on himself as he walks away from the cottage. Aaron watches Robert until the darkness consumes him, more confused than anything.

*

Robert is avoiding Aaron again. It’s been weeks, and he has successfully avoided Aaron. It’s impressive, given the size of the village. Aaron tries to appeal to Sarah to see if she knows where Robert has gone off to, but she just shakes her head and says he does a disappearing act quite often. It leaves Aaron confused and frustrated.

Aaron ventures to the cliffs. Not because he feels a pull to its bottom, but because it’s here where he first saw Robert all those weeks ago. The night that changed Aaron’s life forever. Stepping onto the ground that overlooks the sea is daunting. Aaron had felt torn and frayed before coming to this village. He felt like he had served out his purpose in life and it was time to leave it. Standing here again, he realizes his life hasn’t even started yet. There’s a purpose in being in this village.

Aaron is not naive, he can’t pin the reason to continue living on Robert, and he hasn’t. He’s found more purpose in continuing to live just by being exposed to the refreshing seabreeze air and leaving the shadow of the Dingle name. Aaron has never truly felt more like himself than being here.

There are quiet footsteps that breaks Aaron out of his thoughts. He doesn’t turn around, doesn’t need to. He knows it’s Robert. Aaron still feels hurt by Robert’s disappearing stint, so he elects to say nothing. Let Robert stew in silence for just a little longer.

Robert seems to know more about Aaron than Aaron knows about him. He stares at Aaron as if he can see into the very essence of Aaron’s soul. It should be unnerving. But it’s not, it feels familiar and comfortable. Aaron still feels as though he’s remembering moments of another life. But a life that was once Aaron’s. He thinks maybe that’s what Robert is talking about. That perhaps they have lived a life together before. Been in love before and have shared a life before coming here.

“I’m not sure I’ll ever know.” Aaron finally says breaking the silence. He's staring out to the sea, refusing to turn around and look at Robert. He feels embarrassed admitting this, but he needs Robert to know. Needs Robert to understand he might never know what Robert knows. He hears the crunching of the ground below Robert’s feet as he makes his way to Aaron.

“Maybe it’s best you don’t. We have now and this future to look forward to.” Robert stands next to Aaron, fingers brushing against Aaron’s questioningly. Feeling a blush creep up his face, Aaron takes Robert’s hand, and they simply stand on the cliff looking out to the sea.

“I’m looking forward to our future.” Aaron says, finally daring a look to Robert. Robert wasn’t looking out to the sea like Aaron was, he had been looking at Aaron the entire time. His seafoam colored eyes staring into Aaron’s. Aaron feels known.

Robert crowds Aaron’s space and cradles his face, just like before. “Me too.” Robert whispers and kisses Aaron. It feels like coming home, and for the first time in years, Aaron’s soul feels at rest and at peace.


End file.
